I didn’t say I’d shut up for long; plus I really, really, really need to vent.
My shoes will never be clean again. I don’t want to dare say it, but my purple vans might not make it back to the states. But you can bet your ass they’re gonna put up a helluva fight.
This is tragic news, people.
The realization dawned on me yesterday around 18:00 (6:00 pm) GMT. I had just returned to my dorm from a very enjoyable 2 hour walk when I looked at my feet to see what I can only describe as “a pair of shoes that appeared to have just lost a fight against both Pizza-The-Hut and the Poop-Monster from Dogma.”
I was upset.
So how did this horror show tragically befall my beloved vans? Well, as I said, I had just gone on a lovely walk that day and during my travels my footwear seemed to have taken a bit of a beating. What I neglected to mention in my recounting of this tale was that this stroll, naturally, took me through much of the deceptively large Keele Woods. These woods are both located on the great island that is the UK and are, in fact, woods so they were incredibly muddy.
Regardless, as any adventurer worth his salt would, I refused to let any amount of mud put a premature end to my voyage and travelled on. Plus I really didn’t want to go back my room and work on my essay. (Hey, we’re all adults here, so I’m not going to lie to you. I’m above that. For now at least.)
So, in a series of feats that would make my idol, the great adventurer and raconteur Calvin, proud I waded through pools of mud, whistled loudly, climbed mountains, and threw snowballs at girls that I found annoying but secretly cute. (One of those is a lie, the others are embellished a bit…it’s a “dramatic” thing.)
And so, I enjoyed my day in the sun.
My shoes may have taken a few steps past the point of no return, but fear not, it was all done in the name of fun and not doing homework.
Just the way Calvin would want.
*Any puns made were completely intentional, because I am punny.